Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Hampers and Halfwits; a fairytale.

Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom not so very far away from here, there lived a wicked boy. The boy was not just wicked, he was nasty and sad-not a good combination! The wicked boy, for want of any cats to kick, decided one day that it would be fun to send disgusting and hateful scrolls to random princesses throughout the land. The princesses received the scrolls and promptly fainted. All except one.

Now, the boy thought himself a clever sort. He saw himself as a prince; a little king amongst mere mortals and with powers too! Not just any power but M&S powers but magical powers and believed that they would protect him for ever more.

How had such a boy come to believe such things? Surely his mother; she had told him he was the best boy in the world and clever too. She had instructed him on his power, his magnificence. The wee lad, believing this to be so, let it all go to his head. He believed that he was all powerful right enough and this led to a peculiar naivety, a belief that he would never be challenged. Oh, and he thought his cloak made him invisible...but it was, alas, not to be so.

The boy was indeed pretty clever but he did not realise that he could be matched and indeed conquered by one particular wee girl. His belief in his own powers led him to believe that no further knowledge need ever be sought, no book need ever be read and that he knew everything that ever needed to be known.

And lo, it was a sad affair but as a result, he did not know about the gifts that magical princesses held. He had never found out that princesses were born with a tenacious and uncanny ability to overcome all and every obstacle in the pursuit of knowledge, particularly knowledge of which they believed were required to defeat a foe.

As it turned out, this lack of knowledge would be the wicked boy's downfall and would lead to him revealing his true nature- that of a halfwit.

The boy in question you see, had tried to disguise himself as a girl; he tried to gain the confidence of the princesses and win their hands in friendship so that he could have some evil fun at the princesses expense.

One particular princess was not amused.

It would be fair to say, she was pretty annoyed. But the princess let it go, having knowledge that such creatures lived in all and every kingdom and ignoring them was usually the best defence. Alas, the wicked boy persisted and the princess, herself good and kind began to turn angry. The boy, with his empty brain, unfortunately had no idea what anger could do to a girl, even a good and kind princess.

The angry princess set about using her skills to find the wicked boy and find him she did; she found out that he was not a princess but a boy in disguise. She found out his true name, where he lived, where he worked and she even managed to find some other princesses to whom the lad was also tricking.

She told the boy so and he became struck by a magical spell of the gob; he was gobsmacked. He was given a warning by the princess and one warning only; he was to leave this kingdom forever and never to darken her doorstep again. He was to no longer harass the princess or any other princess from neighbouring kingdoms.

Words a princess should never used were thrown at him for final measure; something about an arse being kicked from this kingdom to kingdom come. He was never to be seen again.

And the princesses lived happy ever after.

The End.


My friend Pauline is over from Canada and came for a visit on Sunday night. I made some hearthbreads for a snack and they do taste nice but they also look so pretty, especially when dotted with sun blushed tomatoes and thyme or Parmesan and garlic so it got me thinking; I think I'm going to make some lovely hampers for Christmas gifts this year. I was thinking wine or champagne, smoked salmon, a round of Brie or Camembert and the homemade items would be something like Parmesan crispbreads, hearthbreads, caramelised onions, pate, lemon cake, fruit cake, chutney dip and cookies, or a selection thereof.

I personally would love such a gift; would you? Any suggestions to add to the hamper?


Carolyn @ My Backyard Eden said...

That fairytale was lovely. You are just the girl to have around for arse kicking!

Janice said...

Remind me not to get on the wrong side of the princess - great story and the right kind of ending.

Your hamper goodies sound just right, maybe some coffee?

Anna said...

oh helen, i love you-- that was a great tale indeed! : )

i think a hamper would be such a sweet/thoughtful gift to receive! : ) you rock.

Mrs. Fish aka Two Fish said...

Oh boy that princess! Sounds like the clan is up and moving again! Glad to hear you are well...I might suggest wine for the hamper! Hugs my friend!

5thsister said...

Hooray for the princess! What a wonderfully woven tale! And you used my all time favorite UK euphemism: gobsmacked! Love it!

Protege said...

Love the story! I so enjoy your writing style, have you ever considered writing fairy-tales for adults? Yo have a lightness in your writing that is very appealing;)

Sumandebray said...

Love the önce upon a time" tales and tales full of beautiful, rich and mighty people...
But these days royals are replaced by the corporate kingpins ... the fairy tale still ocntinues
The builtup to the Christmas is developing ....

Helen McGinn said...

Carolyn, LOL...true though... ;O)

Janice, coffee! Great idea!

Anna, you're a love! Mwah!

Mrs Fish, wine for sure! We are all good, Kelly hopefully on her last day off school. Hurrah!

5thsister, I used it, knowing how much you like it... :O)

Zuzana, you are very kind, thank you.

Sumandebray, you are so right! :O)